As many of you who follow my journey and writing have learned, recently, I quit my job to pursue creative pursuits in Los Angeles. I’m working on four original television scripts, I just signed my third book deal and have been reflecting on new ways that I can share my story with others. While battling the peaks and valleys of being a “struggling writer,” I have been incredibly candid about my adventures. I regularly post on my instastory, update my 4,000+ Linkedin followers, and tweet endlessly. Through sharing my life via social media, I’ve made new friends and have had some good meetings. Of all the positive opportunities that social media has given me, there was one meeting, in particular, that was different and taught me a valuable lesson that we must discuss.
A few weeks ago, I had a gentleman reach out to me on Instagram, expressing to me that he had been following me on social media for a while and wanted to do drinks. Contrary to what some may believe, I’m incredibly selective with who I decide to associate myself with and spend time. I understand that the most valuable asset that any of us have is time, and I hate to waste mine. On the one hand, I saw where this meeting could potentially lead to nothing substantial. On the other hand, I’ve always been taught to
“take the meeting because you never know where that person could go.”
Betraying my higher self, I agreed to meet with this gentleman for drinks, and we met at a spot in Hollywood. That evening I caught an Uber there, paid for my bill, and Ubered back. Our drinks moment cost me an hour of my time and $30. Throughout the evening, this gentleman talked down to me.
There was never a moment where I felt like he was genuinely listening to me or providing valuable advice. Not once did he ask to read any of my writing, we never discussed how we could help each other with goals or traded contacts of people who might be beneficial. Listening to him talk was like listening to a bad high school graduation speech. When the bill came, I handed over my debit card, quickly called my Uber, and regretted that I took the meeting because I felt I had wasted my time and money.
Meeting people and networking are two ways to ensure success. There’s a quote that says, “if you want to go fast, go alone if you want to go far, go with others.” This blog post is not to discourage taking drink dates altogether but to try to do it effectively. My drinks session moment did not go well because I didn’t ask myself the right questions before our meeting. I don’t ever want you to have that kind of experience; with that said, I would like to share five questions anyone should ask themselves before agreeing to meet with anyone.
1.What clear goal do I have for this meeting?
Every meeting should have a clear and defined goal before taking it. As soon as the gentleman reached out to me on Linkedin and I agreed to meet with him, I should have come to the meeting with a clearly defined goal. I could have asked myself:
- Do I need encouragement?
- Do I need a favor to ask?
- Am I interested in learning about this man’s experience?
- What is my goal for this meeting?
None of us have time to waste. By not having a goal for the meeting, I increased the risk of potentially wasting my time.
2. What makes this person credible?
After I have a goal for this meeting, the next question I should ask myself is what makes this particular individual appropriate to assist me with that goal. Social media marketing is so easy. There are people out there who study the glitz and glamour of Instagram and duplicate what they see “successful” people doing to portray an image of how they want to be perceived. It is reasonably simple to be whoever you want to be online without doing actual work. It’s always important to move through the world with keen skepticism to decrease the chance of being deceived. Ways to check for credibility would be to ask for work samples before the meeting, do substantial research on Google or ask a friend for a second opinion on a person.
3. Do we have any mutual friends?
My best meetings have been those that have been through referrals. Mutual friends are an exquisite filter for weeding out people who could potentially waste your time. Your friends should know your taste, aspirations, and interests. If a person were to reach to me stating that they have talked to one of my friends who I trust first, that makes me way more likely to want to meet with them.
4. Can I afford to entertain the meeting?
Money is never something to play with. Honoring your hard-earned dollars is a practice that should be implemented daily. If you can’t afford to get to the function, pay for yourself, and potentially your guest for a function, don’t go. There have been moments where I foot the bill of a person whose brain I was picking to try and add some value to the interaction. I have had even more moments where a meeting will go so well that a person will pay for me–it happens. I appreciate moments when I am treated to a meal or drink, but I don’t expect it. The last thing you want to be towards anyone is a financial burden in the early stages of your relationship. If you can’t afford your way at any given moment, stay home.
5. Would a call be more beneficial?
Everyone doesn’t deserve an in-person meeting. As we have discussed, those meetings take time, energy, and resources. Sometimes it may be better to chat on the phone first to get more clarity and get a feel for a person. One rule of thumb I’m implementing for myself is scheduling a call early with people who I don’t know. I always want to meet new people, but if I or any of my friends are unfamiliar with who you are, a call is an excellent place to start. On a call, I can ask the right questions, hear the sincerity in a person’s voice, and get a better understanding of who they are.
I’ve never been someone who prioritizes networking. Cold-emailing and meeting for drinks are aspects of my journey that are new to me. What I’m learning is that meeting new people can be incredibly beneficial but also should be done with caution. I hope that after reading this blog, you implement these ideas and network more wisely. Don’t be like me and end up falling prey to a random cold Instagram message. No one has time or money to waste.