“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
―
This past weekend I had the pleasure of going to Chicago to surprise one of my best friends for his birthday. Before the birthday festivities began that Saturday, Friday, some friends and I went to a Nickelodeon-themed bar-cade called Replay Lincoln to have some fun. A ‘barcade’ is a bar with arcade video games; it is the perfect blend of dancing, gaming and socializing.
Walking into the barcade, I was impressed with the Nickelodeon-themed decorations and felt like I was in for a good night. I took some pictures with my friends and got some incredible video footage to use for social media posts. Once I was all settled and got my content shot, I knew that I was ready to have a good time and dance. I love to sing and dance. I do not care who is around or the situation; whenever I hear good music, I do one of those two things. As the DJ played great songs, I decided to break free of my insecurities and party as if no one was looking. I felt confident, free, and moved as if I was alone in my living room.
The next day as I rewatched all my photos and videos from my time at the barcade, I was overwhelmed with joy. I saw videos of myself dancing, rapping the lyrics to songs, and being the center of attention. While being the life of the party at a bar may seem insignificant to others, the video footage I saw of myself genuinely made me proud.
I am a young man who grew up bullied, shamed, and often felt disenfranchised. For as long as I can remember, I have always desired to sing, move and be unapologetically myself, but often lacked the confidence to do so. That Friday night at Replay Lincoln Park, I took up space; I was unabashedly myself and proud of it. Naturally, folks had their phones out recording me as I moved and danced about the dance floor. I would look to my left and see a bright flashing light, look way across the bar and see another. I saw people pointing at me, laughing, talking as I hit choreography and rapped lyrics. It was clear that I was being filmed, focused on, and potentially discussed, but something in me did not care. The behavior I displayed at the barcade brought me so much joy and was unequivocally one of the best nights I have ever had.
I can say with certainty that the reason I had so much fun was that I genuinely did not care what anyone thought of me. Whether positive, hostile, or indifferent, I continued to enjoy myself. So often, we censor ourselves in fear of what someone might say or think of us. It is also true that on the other side of that fear of judgment is the joy of being bravely ourselves. We get to that joy of being brave by not caring what other people think of us. We can all reflect on the following five ideas to overcome the fear of judgment and into courage and liberation.
1. Understand That We All Are Human
We all are human. No matter how cool, attractive, or wealthy a person is, they are still only human. When we prioritize someone else’s opinion of us over what we ultimately desire to do, we make that person an idol or deity. By understanding that the person whose criticism we may be fearful of is only human, we free ourselves of their judgment.
I do not care who a person is or how cool they may be; I plan always to be myself and take up space, understanding that everyone is merely human, just like me. No human is God; by constantly seeing other people as just people, I will continue to be unapologetically myself, and I hope you do the same.
2. Do Not Weigh Anyone’s Opinion of You Too Heavily
Since we now understand that humans are simply human, it is important not to weigh any other human’s opinion too heavily. The main person you may be fearful of being judged by may secretly wish they had the confidence that you now have to be bold and put themselves out there. We can’t let anyone who doesn’t matter too much, matter too much. I do my best to consult with a select few close people to me about my behavior and choices, and that’s it. Those people whose opinions I value have earned that right. I plan never to hold myself back, prioritizing someone’s opinion of me that essentially does not matter.
3. Be Purpose Driven
It is far more difficult to be offended by a person or thrown off from a series of events when you know what you have come to do. Each day we wake up should have a purpose and be led with intention. When I was at the Replay Barcade, I planned just to enjoy myself and have fun. I knew that I was in Chicago, in a cool environment, and wanted to enjoy myself thoroughly. One reason I was able not to care what others thought of me was because I was clear with myself on my purpose for being there, which was to have fun.
4. Contemplate Death
No matter who we are or where we come from, we all will die someday. I never want to live my life with regrets because I cared what someone else thought of me. Every day I ask myself,
“If I were to die right now, would I be happy with the decisions I’m making?”
Contemplating death allows a person to live more unapologetically by reminding them that they only have a limited amount of time to live.
5. Live Life As If It Were A Movie You Had To Watch
One practice that discourages me from caring what others think of me is pretending that my life is a movie and I’m the main character. We watch movies because we are captivated by the thrill and ride of following a protagonist and wondering if it will all come together in the end. I look at myself as a protagonist in a movie of life. I lead my life with the question of, “If I were watching my life in a theatre would I enjoy what I’m seeing?” This question encourages me to play with my life and not take it too seriously. No one likes to watch a boring movie so why should I lead a boring life?
After reading this blog, I hope that you have just a tad more courage to be yourself and not care what other people think about you. Not caring what people think is a practice that we all should embody, but so few teach. You deserve the freedom of being yourself doing what feels right in your soul.
Be Inspired.