“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” 

― Bernard M. Baruch

Working in Los Angeles has taught me so much about myself and how to navigate the corporate space. Each day I come home from work, I’m smarter than the man that left out that morning. One of the biggest lessons I’m learning right now is the idea of work gossip and being disliked by my coworkers. Recently one of my close friends told me a short story that taught me a valuable lesson. 

“Hey, your name came up in the office the other day, and the vibes weren’t the best.”

“Really? What happened what did I do?” — I asked.

To make a long story short, my friend expressed to me how one of the assistants at work stated to a group of colleagues, “He rubs a lot of people the wrong way.” This assistant then went on to give examples of moments where I was “reckless” or less considerate of others. 

I was informed that my name came up because people were discussing how I decided to quit for my birthday. While some were expressing how I will be missed, others, stated how they are happy to see me go. After hearing of the negative impact I had on some of my coworkers, I was hurt and shocked. My time at work has been great. I never felt any bad vibes from anyone I thought everyone loved me. 

As much confidence as I may exude or how strong I may come across, hearing the story about my coworkers bad mouthing me hurt my feelings. To help cope with my feelings of isolation, embarrassment, and shame, I called my mother. We had a heartfelt discussion about not being liked. From our conversation, I learned some valuable lessons that I must share with you. 

I Must be Kind To Myself. 

It is effortless to fall into the headspace of “no one likes me.” I do have moments where I feel that way. I enjoy writing so much because it gives me space to share my thoughts without judgment. There are incidents where I do feel like a friendly martian desperately in search of acceptance, community, and friendship. No matter what, I must be a friend to myself first and be kind to myself. After hearing the story of how those coworkers had a negative conversation about me, I had to tell myself. 

“Hey, Christopher! It is okay. There are still people who enjoy having you around.”

“Hey, Christopher! You are fine. You may have rubbed people the wrong way, but that does not mean you’re a bad person.”

Internal compassionate conversations help calm me down. I can’t allow for some coworkers who don’t even know me to craft an identity about me that I accept for myself. I have to allow myself to make mistakes, grow from them, and talk kindly to myself in the process.

Being Disliked Is Inevitable 

My Dad always used to tell me, 

“You’ll always have haters, but never forget that you will also always have fans.” 

When I heard how some of my coworkers were happy to see me go, it hurt. It’s still hard to stomach that a negative conversation was being had about me behind my back. I do my best to be intentional about connecting with every person I meet. I come from a centered place rooted in compassion, love, and empathy for others. When my efforts to connect with those around me fall flat, it sucks. I’m not too fond of it because I know that my efforts are failing. No one wants to feel like a failure. What I’ve come to learn, though, is that being disliked is a part of life. 

As much as my identity is rooted in being an empathetic and compassionate person, I am also keenly aware of my ability to get people’s attention. My bodacious, gregarious, and loud personality captivates all those I encounter with minimal effort. One on end, being able to captivate others is a gift. On the other, putting yourself out into the world comes with consequences. I feel like I’m always picked out to be picked on. I must accept the fact that if I continue to move through the world with such confidence, conviction, and openness that being disliked is inevitable. 

People At Work Don’t Know Me. 

I’ve worked at my job for less than six months. There are over 2,000 employees at our company. Even if I were to spend 100% of my time next to the same person for the amount of time I worked at my job, it still wouldn’t be a significant amount of time to get to know me fully. We, as human beings, are complex, multi-layered beings. I can’t allow for some brief interactions with coworkers to alter my identity of who I know I am, because they don’t even know me. 

Minimal Impressions Aren’t Everything. 

Some people argue that first impressions are everything. I believe this thinking is anxiety-inducing and harmful. No one is 100% on their A-game, 100% of the time, there is nothing wrong with having a bad day or a bad moment, that makes us human. How inconsiderate is it to judge someone off of one interaction? It’s not fair at all because, in actuality, one interaction is not enough to make a robust assessment of a person’s character. 

I Must Be Responsible For The Truth 

With every rumor, gossip-centered conversation, and chat, there is always the truth and the lie. 

The lie was: “I rub A LOT of people the wrong way.” The truth is: I rubbed somebody the wrong way,” and I assume it was more than one person. 

I can’t do anything about the lie, but I must be responsible for the truth. When incidents like these occur, I must assess where I went wrong. I can’t butter myself up into thinking, 

“Oh Christopher! You have good intentions, so that alone is enough.” No. I have to learn from my experiences and find ways to grow each day, in every way. 

Conclusion 

Being disliked sucks, it’s not something that I enjoy or get a kick out of. I firmly believe that at our core, every human being desires to be liked, loved, and accepted, I am no different. Hearing people tell me they are proud of me never gets old. The positive messages of how I’m inspiring and impressive make my heart skip a beat every time. Rubbing people the wrong way and being disliked at work is still something I’m getting familiar with. Understanding that I must be kind to myself, accept that I’m not for everyone and try to find the truth in every gossip-centered conversation has helped me drastically. 

Hopefully, by authentically sharing my story and the lessons I’ve learned from this experience, you’ve learned a valuable lesson too. Keep me in your good wishes as I conclude my last days of work. Regardless of what happens, I plan to keep growing, keep smiling, and keep my head held high. 

Be Inspired.